I am the decider

Cribbed from CNN, 7 October 2012

A baseball bat? A sledge hammer? A taser? Waterboarding? A sharp stick in the eye? A hot metal poker? Back-to-back episodes of Honey Boo Boo? "Legitimate rape" by a liquored-up Newt Gingrich in full Dune-inspired Baron Vlad Harkonnen mode? A whiff of Mitt Romney's banana-oiled hair? Holding a gun to a kitten's head? A time-travel machine back to 2004? 2008? 1858?

I give up. You losers just want to make the rest of us losers.