My (allegedly) funny valentines

"Heart Rotating" by BodyParts3D/Anatomography
CC BY-SA 2.1 jp via Wikimedia Commons

Some doggerel to digest on the most sickeningly sweet of all days. (I say this, and I'm quite happily attached at the moment. Thanks for asking.)

* * *

Roses are red
Violets, aromatic
You take my breath away
But, then again, I'm asthmatic

* * *

Roses are red
And may fire passion in romantics
You're so smoking hot babe
But I quit the habit thanks to Chantix

* * *


Roses are red
The fading embers of dying love, so ashen
That burning sensation in your loins?
Alas, it's not residue passion
(See a doctor, stat)

* * *

Roses petals are read
Tea leaves can be, too
I predict a long, happy future
In a parallel universe without you

* * *

Roses are red
Billy Ocean records, two a penny
You could get into the backseat of my car baby
But I drive a Mini

* * *

Roses are red
And may spawn violent emotion
Our love's a Michael Bay movie
We go from explosion to explosion to explosion!!!

* * *

Roses are red
Life preservers are clingy
You're out of your depth
If you think I'm going down on your dinghy
(Oh my!)

* * *

Happy Valentine's Day all! And if Valentine's Day ain't your thang, then remember, it's also International Book-Giving Day--a far more worthy, satisfying, and loving exercise than eating leftover chunks of Toblerone for breakfast.

(Not that I'm naming names.)