Yesterday's crack whore, tomorrow's CEO

Mike Lindell by NorthStarOasis. CC BY 3.0.
Via Wikimedia Commons.

Of late, I keep seeing TV ads from the My Pillow Guy, aka Trump Supporter and Craptastic Capitalist Mike Lindell, who is hawking his latest autobiography, What Are the Odds? From Crack Addict to CEO.

Well, actually I'd say the odds are pretty good. Whether it's cocaine, crack, Adderall, or OxyContin, to me that seems like the standard CEO career trajectory.

The ad also touts--I'm guessing in an effort to boost Lindell's credibility and the magnitude of the Very Public Christian ™resurrection miracle he employs to explain his life transformation--that Lindell has had "14 near-death experiences."

Dude. Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot? I haven't even had one near-death experience and I'm more or less your same age (or use less hair dye, whichever is more relevant), I survived the AIDS crisis in the '80s, and I lived in Washington, D.C., during the Marion Barry era when there were 500 murders a year. (Interestingly enough, spawned in part by the demand for crack cocaine. Thanks for living the supply-and-demand dream, Mike!)

Who knew the pillow biz was so deadly?

Other than the occasional smothering incident, which I truly hope the spouses or children of Craptastic Capitalists everywhere (I'm not naming names) are currently plotting.