You say you want an insurrection

White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany before January 6, 2021 (left), and on "Insurrection Day," January 6, 2021

Apparently, insurrection will fuck you up.

To dye for

Farrah Fawcett-Minor League. Public domain.
Via Wikimedia Commons.

Kayleigh McEnany is what happens when you attempt to buy an Afghan hound from a puppy mill, only to realize it's just a chihuahua with a Farrah Fawcett wig glued to its head.

No, I'm not saying she's a dog--I mean, I'm not the President of the United States after all, so normally I don't describe women's physical attributes using such language.

But you have to admit that her hair is more like a mane or a coat and that she apparently suffers from the same debilitating visual impairment that afflicts other members of the Trump administration, that is to say, that spray tans and dye jobs that are a bit too matchy-matchy with said spray tans are inherently gorgeous.

But they're not.