Big pimpin' on Facebook

College-aged Pornhub star son with nipple, arm, and abs

Good golly, I have been tested this week.

On Facebook, if you can read about my tacky tastes and blunt assessments of our political world or hear my loudmouth opinions and silly jokes, you're part of my "inner circle" list, people with whom I share some history and humor and hold some views in common.

There's an "outer circle" of people I know professionally, "impersonally" (not well at all), used to know (many [but not all people] from high school), and those who can't resist making a leering, off-color, rabidly crazy, or otherwise inappropriate remark whenever I post a photo or share a thought.

I'm lazy and should clean up my timeline, but there you have it.

As you may have detected, I can be ... snarky. And sometimes certain people in the outer circle provide a certain amount of ... snarkspiration,™ if you will.

This is one of those times.

Tormenting me in particular at the moment:

• There's the person who named her child after an internal body part because she goofed on the original spelling. Or so I'm assuming.
• There's the guy who is a champion of self-promotion and insists on using a photo in his media releases (sorry, I mean posts) with the most egregiously waxed eyebrows this side of RuPaul's Drag Race. 
• There's the gal with perfectly normal eyebrows whose every photo looks like it's part of a weird "Country Christian Playboy" portfolio. Barbie Benton meets The 700 Club. Or some such.
• And there's the couple who seem to love their college-aged son a little too much. The lingering close-ups of his muscled torso while he preens for the camera seem too close, too adoring for comfort.

Dear lascivious parents, just so you know, the images didn't go unappreciated by likely-not-your-target-audience. Unless of course you're aiming for the kid to fund his way through school with a sideline pay-to-play jack-off site. And, if so, I need a password!

There's probably nothing inherently pornographic about these parents pimpin' out their favored son. (It should be noted that the other young man in some of the photos--a brother or half-brother or step-brother apparently--doesn't seem to get the same amount or depth attention.) If anything, Junior's fit physique seems as praiseworthy as every other moment or accomplishment in the young's man life, all of which are treated with adoration and veneration and recorded for posterity, in either still or moving image.

We can always assume that a well muscled torso will catch my eye. It's just that there are so darn many of these photos and videos--Junior goes swimming! Junior works out! Junior checks out his definition in the mirror! Junior shows off his guns! Junior meets other muscle men at the gym! So, naturally, I look, question the intent of these photos (Junior's smile--not shown here--seems as posed for maximum effect as his muscle shots), and tsk-tsk-tsk the hapless parents.

Meanwhile, I work out a script in my head involving Junior the horndog's fiancée making him wait 'til marriage, and one of his muscle-bound friends at the gym help him relieve some pre-wedding night tension in the locker room ....

Of course, for all the schadenfreude, I dare not think too much about people snickering over my ridiculousness, ignorance, and out-and-out dumbness. In my own way, with my tacky tastes, my silly jokes, my blunt assessments of our political world, my loudmouth opinions, what have you, I am sure I provide some schadenfreudic satisfaction to others.

Snark giveth and snark taketh away.

But at the moment it giveth more than it taketh--and this makes my mouth hurt from having to bite my tongue so much.