So let me get this straight ...

So ... people should be judged on their ability to do the job and not on their sexual orientation says the possibly entitled, possibly straight, and possibly quite white lady.

And a straight man is a stronger supporter of LGBT rights than an actual gay man ...

And a straight civilian is a stronger supporter of LGBT rights in the military than an actual gay veteran ....

Got it.

Now repeat after me:

"People should be judged on their ability to do the job and not on their race/gender."

"A man is a stronger supporter of women's rights than an actual woman."

"A white guy is a stronger supporter of African-American rights than an actual black person."

How does that sound to you?

To me, it sounds both insane and hilarious, but also just really, really, really stupid. And more than a little pathetic. And thus we have The Cult of Bernie Sanders. Or at the very least The Russian Troll Farm of Bernie Sanders.

* * *

And while we're at it ... "[Bernie Sanders] was supporting trans people since 1976, too."

That may well be true, but that seems like a fairly random date that makes the statement seem factual--but is it? According to Wikipedia, in 1976 Bernie was bankrupting the Liberty Union party while trying to get himself elected governor of Vermont.

Or does reality even matter anymore?

Thus here are 15 other Bernie facts and accomplishments that you might not know about. (With apologies to Chuck Norris. And Jesus.)

• When Vladimir Lenin was born premature, Bernie selflessly suckled him at his breast until Lenin started the October Revolution. (Which was Bernie's idea.)
• Bernie knows how to create cold fusion but keeps the secret to himself because Burlington's a nuclear-free zone.
• The late Steve Jobs lives in constant fear (even in the afterlife) that Bernie's Mac will crash.
• Bernie was Truman Capote's original choice to play Holly Golightly in the movie version of Breakfast at Tiffany's. Tru thought Bernie had the right touch of madcapness, joie de vivre, and melancholia that captured Holly's essence.
  
• Bernie makes onions cry.
• When Bernie Sanders gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds the Oligarchs have left to live.
• Bernie wrote all the lyrics to Lennon-McCartney songs--except "Revolution," of course.
• Bernie doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is. (Hint: It's always 1968 o'clock.)
• Bernie knows exactly how it feels to be a woman in America. Is he a woman? Is he trans? No. He just knows.
• Bernie can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
• Bernie can speak Braille, Cobalt, Klingon, and Egyptian Hieroglyphic.
• Bernie actually died after his recent heart attack, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him. (And because Medicare for all.)
• Every miracle that we think Jesus performed--walking on water, turning water into wine, fishes and loaves, etc.--Bernie did first and did better. 
• Bernie taught RuPaul how to sashay, chanté.
• Bernie knew Frederick Douglass. Frederick Douglass was Bernie's friend. You, sir, are no Frederick Douglass.

* * *

For the record, I'm not in the tank for South Bend, Indiana, Mayor Pete Buttigieg. Not yet anyway.

Oh, I like him. I think he's thoughtful, well spoken, and a highly conscientious, perhaps even moral, person. (Who can say what secrets lie within any of us at this point?) I like the fact that he is a religious person and a veteran, even though I am neither of those. It's a refreshing change in public life.

Do I think he's qualified to be president? No, not really. He seems awfully young, but it's more that I am concerned he's very untested in the cutthroat world of Washington politics. I think he would learn and would learn quickly and that he is wise beyond his years. But I'd prefer to see someone with a little more seasoning with Pete at most as vice president or at least as a member of Congress first.

For the record, I'm not really in the tank for any of them at this point. And with the Iowa caucuses now done (I guess ...) and the New Hampshire primary up next, this is a problem for me. And I suspect it's a problem for many others, too.

You'd be pretty if you smiled more

He only has the one look--and the one idea, which he picked up from a college course on Marxism in 1962.

Please, please, please don't run in 2020, Bernie.

Growing a pair of principles

These are not principles. Bernie and Jane Sanders by
Gage Skidmore, 9 January 2016. Courtesy of
Wikimedia Commons. CC BY-SA 2.0.

The following is a response I recently posted to a friend on Facebook after reading one of many comments from her that we Democrats who supported Hillary Clinton in the 2016 election had abandoned our principles and this is why we had lost. Why we deserved to lose.

The discussion had been proceeded by a couple of weeks of back-and-forth on why Jill Stein was the the preferred candidate for progressives, the only "clean" one in the race, now that Bernie Sanders had been sidelined. If only the Democratic National Committee had not "stolen" the election from Bernie during the primaries, he could have beaten Donald Trump in the national election!

Or rather I should say just "forth." I didn't respond for a long time, mostly because I didn't want to engage. But I didn't engage because I've grown weary and wary of being bullied in various forums by the Bernie or Bust crowd. Believe me, I haven't gone out looking to criticize them. In fact, I've tried to say as little as possible to them directly or indirectly about their preferred candidate. But sometimes the scorn, antagonism, and sanctimony come looking for you. 

And sometimes you feel impelled to respond.

I am not bothered by who you voted for or didn't vote for. But I am exhausted (to put it kindly) by the self-satisfaction and "hands clean" approach to this election by some on the self-identified left of the political spectrum. 

For all the claim that Democrats abandoned our principles, I would argue that many on the far left abandoned us solely so they could keep polishing, adoring, and showcasing their principles. So now none of us on the far left or middle left or anywhere left of center has anything that we want. 

I have principles, and I certainly haven't abandoned them. I don't need to "grow a pair" of principles or anything else. My principles include being able to recognize and accept compromise, not sticking to my way of seeing the world and wanting it to be just so and rejecting any other approaches, and not expecting my preferred candidate to do only what I want him or her to do to keep me happy. 

This is one of the things that has driven me crazy about the Obama years--the right would never accept him, but the left wouldn't either. He was a moderate from the beginning who tried to be everybody's president and yet in time he took some pretty bold actions--instituting a nascent if imperfect system of almost universal health insurance, same-sex marriage, opening the country to Cuba again, and even transgender rights. 

Maybe with a little more support and patience along the way, he would have accomplished more. Maybe Hillary Clinton would have as well. And maybe Bernie Sanders would have made some very centrist choices and compromised with others to make small improvements, in order to draw at the battle and win the long war. 

I don't think I'll ever get the appeal of Bernie Sanders, but if he had been the candidate this year, I would have voted for him. Not out of a sense of party loyalty but because I think he, in competition with anyone put forward by the GOP, would be more likely to support liberal/progressive values. And while initially Hillary Clinton was not my preferred candidate, I was proud to stand by her and vote for her for the very same reason--her support of liberal/progressive values.

Would I have been happy with the results if she had become president? We'll never know. But if my actions are evidence of a lack of principles, then yes, I am unprincipled. 

I, however, think I'm just pragmatic. The US is a conservative country, much more than I would like it to be, so I don't know that I ever expect it to become even Canada, let alone a socialist workers' paradise. And the US sometimes is a country that spits in the face of the notion that all history is progress--it's certainly not looking like that now. 

So my expectations are not high but I am often hopeful. I don't think we are that different in that respect--that we are both hopeful--but we do have different approaches to how to achieve our vision. 

Consequently, I would like to ask you to consider not denigrating those of us who didn't approach this election the same way as you. It's not that my feelings are hurt--I am much tougher than I look. But I deeply resent being scalded and scorned at every turn and dismissed as needing to grow a pair just because I don't happen to see the world the way that you see it.

Righteous indignation is fast becoming my muse. Just wait until I get to my thoughts on the recent Glenn Beck opinion piece in the New York Times. My advice? Invest in some flame-retardant clothing.

I think I've maxxed out on the debates

The sounds of silenzzzzzzz . . .

Yeah, sorry, I know I should, but I really don't give a tuppence about Bernie Sanders or the 2016 presidential election in the United States.

Oh, I can still vote in the U.S., a fact I seem to have to keep reminding Americans of. I just have a work permit for Canada after all; I didn't have to give up my citizenship to move here.

Nor would I do so, despite recently having begun the process of applying for permanent residency here. I miss the United States. More than I thought I would. It is still home, and I still worry about it. Is it eating alright? Is it getting along with others? Is it happy? Has it killed anyone lately, by accident or on purpose? Or is it just constantly bickering for no discernible reason--despite unemployment having dropped to under 5% for the first time in god knows when, despite enjoying a number of other common indicators of a successful economic climate? Certainly more successful than the economy we have in Canada at the moment.

And yet, watch the news on CNN or MSNBC (but, please, not Fox News) or read it online (but avoid the comments section if you can) and everyone seems angry and miserable. Or at least those talking politics or attending political rallies seem so. It is a self-selecting group, so who can say for sure?

I wouldn't vote for a Republican if all the candidates promised me a non-stop winter weekend in sun-dappled Mexico with my favorite porn star, guilt-free, room service, and all necessary accoutrements on tap. (That would be mid-1990s super Southern stud Sam Crockett, in case anyone wants to know, but I can make other suggestions if he is unavailable.) I think there's a certain segment in the U.S. that's still living with this fantasy of the Rockefeller Republican of long ago--fiscally conservative but socially benign. I'm not sure that manor house baron ever existed, although Dwight Eisenhower is perhaps a better exemplifier than any one of the Rockefellers.

Instead what we seem to have is some time-warped brigade of evangelical Dixiecrat-wannabes, George Wallaces (the white one) without a cause (except the misanthropic, middle-class Caucasian): Race bait, shoot from the lip, and by all means be as mean-spirited as possible when it comes to judging others' behaviors without paying too much attention to your own.

Or you get Donald Trump, whose all of that but without the God. 'Cuz, like, he and God are best friends, and God is amaaaaazing but God's knows he's not nearly as great as Donald Trump . . . .

(Not an actual quote . . . yet.)

Turning to the not-Republicans, aka the Democrats, we have . . . heavy sigh. Hilary Clinton and Bernie Sanders.

I know I'm supposed to like Hilary. In fact, I clearly remember my frenemy Spencer for Let chastising me way back in 2007 for being an on-the-fence Barack Obama supporter. Over dinner, he proceeded to brow-beat me and bad-mouth anyone for their positive spins on Obama's candidacy. Clearly, I did not understand--but desperately needed to!--that Hilary was the far superior candidate.

I don't know if that tipped me over the fence into the Obama ballpark, but it happened soon thereafter. It wouldn't surprise me if that was the defining moment--or at the moment that made me consider more closely my choice--as ol' Spence has done a great job over the years of brow-beating my opinions over various and sundry. (I distinctively remember making a passing remark about enjoying the American/Canadian version of Queer as Folk, an opinion I came to later in the series run, which then provoked an extended lesson on why I was morally wrong to like the show. That ol' Spence. He has a way with humanity.)

At this point, in 2016, I'll concede that Hilary's the most experienced candidate and would have less of a learning curve than any of the other players on the field. Way back in 2007, I think she might have had a few more years of a U.S. Senate career under her belt than Obama, but counting her time as First Lady as being equal to bonafide POTUS experience makes only slightly more sense as Sarah Palin claiming she had foreign policy experience because Alaska is located next door to Russia.

But I could deal with a Hilary presidency. She's not my favorite, but I hardly think she's the horrifying shrewish mother/anti-mother figure that Conservatives imagine in their nightmares. Or dreams. Hey, Conservatives are a freaky bunch.

But I don't think I can deal with another Bill Clinton presidency--and you just know he won't be able to stop himself from inserting into every nookie and granny cranny of Hilary's administration. Everyone seems to remember Bill fondly, at home and abroad, except me. He was a liar and a womanizer back then, I suspect he's the same now (just more discreet), and he'll continue to be so in the afterlife. The thought of him being anywhere near a whore house, let alone the White House, should be cause for alarm.

* * *

And yet I am no fan of Bernie Sanders either, and I'm not sure I really, fully understand why. I mean, policy-wise, we are not in disagreement. I'm all for more affordable education and universal healthcare. (I would ask, "who wouldn't be?" but I'm afraid this would show how far I've fallen from American grace.) I do think Bernie over-imagines his potential effectiveness as POTUS. For pity's sake, people went berserk over Obama's moderate changes. What would they do with an actual, self-professed socialist in the Oval Office?

Then again, Bernie's not black, which has always seemed to me to be the reason that those who have a problem with Obama have a problem with Obama. Maybe the unconventional senator from Vermont can pull it off, but I feel doubtful over both his policies and his background. In 241 years of American history, we've had one moderate Catholic president and one moderate African-American president, and people nearly crapped a cinder block over both. I can only imagine the eruption over a secular Jewish socialist hippie from Vermont talking "revolutionary" politics.

In large part, I think my problem with Sanders is twofold--

The first fold--see above. I really can't see anyone, establishment or hoi polloi, to the right of Eleanor Roosevelt easily digesting a Sanders presidency. Should it even come to pass--and I think that's about as likely as it was for McGovern to have won in 1972.

The second fold (which is manifold--so much so that we're practically on the verge of origami)--I'm exhausted from hearing a certain subset of friends praise Sanders every time he makes up as much as a grocery list. I have a couple of Facebook friends who are relentlessly, slavishly Sanderistas, a-quiver at every statement, pronouncement, or offhand remark made by el Comandante. There is no escaping their zealotry for a guy, who, frankly, I consider passionate and opinionated, but not much else.

I think you have to have more than passion and opinions to be a leader. Otherwise, you're Ron Paul. Or worse, you're Donald Trump.

Some might argue that Obama spawned the same kind of zealotry. I would not, however. Oh, there are people who would blindly follow him to the ends of the earth and the ends of time, no doubt. The difference is that Obama, in my view, is less about the cult and more about being the actual president to everyone, not just those who agree with him.

His handlers and celebrity fans, sure, they're all about the cult. But at the end of the day, I have always thought of Obama as just a decent, incredibly intelligent, and poised man who has tried hard to do the right thing. Not just African Americans. Not just gays. Not just business. Not just liberals. Everyone.

As the saying goes, you can't please everyone. Or sometimes even anyone. And during the Obama age, this has shown itself to be true.

Do I think he's perfect? Have I liked everything he's done? Have I been bothered by things that I didn't think he did well enough. No, no, and yep.

A case in point: I feel that his administration could have done more to address the growing inequality in the U.S. Nonetheless, he's done a lot to be sure, and if he accomplished nothing more for the rest of his life than getting the Affordable Care Act done, then he's a genius and a statesman and deserves our praise and generosity for the ages to come.

I also feel like criticizing him about not doing more to address inequality is a bit unfair. For one, the U.S. Congress, one of our many national shames, actively and unabashedly fought him and undermined him over everything he proposed, large and small. For another, it's not like "let's fix inequality" has been the zeitgeist; rather, most of us were focused on getting back on our own two feet following the Great Recession. We didn't have much time, energy, or interest to think about anyone else's plight. let alone legislating to improve it.

* * *

I've been thinking about Ronald Reagan lately, not something I care to do, honestly. I despised him and I loathe his legacy, but he certainly left us with a mark--a very dark, costly, punishing, simplistic, and selfish one--that continues to color our judgment and cover up our reality. Call it what you will--conservatism, neo-conservatism, the love of "freedom" (especially the free market and laissez-faire economic policy), "making America great again," etc. ad nauseum--it all sounds like bullshit to me. It has left us with a legacy of inequality, one that we can't seem to surmount. And it has left us with a clown's parade of politicos who have had to live up to or live down Reagan's "simple solutions" of low taxes for the rich, no money for social services, trickle down economics, and free reign to markets and evangelicals. Even Bill Clinton continued to follow much of this trajectory, at least when he wasn't schtupping secretaries and lounge singers.

Will Obama leave us with a legacy that is different and fairer than before? I hope so. I don't know if he's been able to make his mark as strongly as Reagan did, but then Reagan had more support, politically and popularly. Advocating selfishness tends to succeed more than advocating respect for humanity.

Obama, on the other hand, has had to deal with the Know-Nothing age of Republican politics and the standard set of weak-willed Democrats. He has succeeded in many ways, despite this, but unfortunately, I don't feel as though he's been able to graft this progressiveness and humanity on the American body politic. Time will tell, and I pray that time will tell me that I'm wrong.

Who would be a likely, worthy successor to Obama? I haven't a clue. Both Hilary and Bernie have their pluses and minuses, and maybe either/or will do a stellar job, should we be so lucky to find ourselves with this option come the fall. Hilary has more baggage than I would prefer. In addition, she seems to have the resolve of a willow tree in a hurricane. By that I mean she is tough and resilient but will bend whichever way the wind blows. For me, she lacks authenticity.

Bernie's got authenticity, but is it an authenticity that we want? His baggage seems to have gotten stuck on a luggage carousel at an airport outside of Woodstock, circa 1969.

A case in point: He recently chose a Simon and Garfunkel song for a campaign ad, which, naturally, the left has gone all verklempt over. All I can say is I hope someone tells him Jerry Garcia's dead before he invites him to serve as Vice President.

Please, for the love of Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix, let's not have another American presidential election where we battle out the unresolved issues of the 1960s once again. Heck, I'm in my 50s, and even I'm not that nostalgic.