Death has grown tired of chess

 

Surrender Dorothy!

 

Tears of a clown

 

Thighs and whispers

Instabull not Constantonipple

 

Trump mispronounces Thailand as "Thighland" pic.twitter.com/PgTRnHpAA8

— The Recount (@therecount) August 6, 2020

Thighland
Nambia
Maracas
Salty Arabia
Phillypenis
Tzatzikistan

Little known fact: Toblerone, the capital of Nambia, and Vanilla, the capital of Thighland, are cistern cities.

Who's your daddy?

 

I wish him well

 

Oh, Schecky ... Part 3

 

Oh, Schecky ... Part 2

 

Oh, Schecky ...

 

Hey, swinger

 

The president doesn't measure up

Because he has a very tiny brain/penis/emotional IQ/whatever.

All the inspiration you need

CC0 1.0 Universal Public Domain. Via Wikimedia Commons.

If I were ever on a golf cart, here are some of the things you might hear me yell:

1) "Help! I've been kidnapped!"

2) "Why are my kidnappers forcing me to wear all this tacky synthetic-fiber sportswear?"

3) "Does the clubhouse make a mean mojito?"

4) "Nice ass!" (After I've visited the clubhouse and had a few too many mojitos)

I cannot imagine any circumstance under which I would feel the need to yell "White power!" Perhaps if I were especially excited to see a Martha White baking supplies delivery truck pulling up to my favorite grocery store. But even then, I think I could muster some restraint.

Sorry, I know it is not a funny situation, but it's either laugh or cry most days, and today I sweated all the tears out of my system by assembling some exercise equipment in an overly warm apartment. 

This particular incident--you know, the one where the King of the A-holes tweets a video of a couple riding on a golf cart yelling "White power!" as they pass by a group of protesters, then claims he didn't know (about this or about the Russian government paying a bounty to the Taliban to kill U.S. soldiers? It's hard to keep up!)--feels like a new low for all of us.

So what's the solution? 

Vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote. And vote some more until it becomes a habit and you can see it make a difference. Because it will. If it didn't, so many people wouldn't be trying to stop you from doing so.

Even if you're feeling uninspired by this year's crop of candidates--and how absolutely precious of you for feeling that way!--vote as if your life depends upon it.

Because, whether you're dealing with racial hatred, police brutality, the Taliban, COVID-19, or a myriad of other tragedies, clearly your life and the lives of your fellow Americans does depend on your voting. Not doing so or doing so badly clearly has catastrophic effects on all us. 

The only inspiration you need right now is making sure your fellow Americans are safe and well. The revolution, or--choose your own adventure!--whatever it is you want to happen, can likely wait a little longer.

Sunset Bullshittervard

Gloria Swanson as Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard

Our president after his recent rally in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

(Not) Everybody hurts (just you)

This turned out almost too tragic to post. I'm very very sorry @realDonaldTrump #EverybodyHurts pic.twitter.com/d3nlAL1WAT

— Krister Johnson (@KristerJohnson) June 21, 2020

Dead man crawling ...

(Butt) Hurt

This one is my favorite so far. pic.twitter.com/GfoZGkn7pY

— Rick Wilson (@TheRickWilson) June 21, 2020

Dead man walking ...

A Members Only jacket means a vote for me!

On first glance, this may seem to be quite a reach for relevancy, but I think it's valid, nonetheless.

Way back in the early 1980s when I was still a young man and gave a toss about mid-range fashion for guys, I recall shopping at a Chess King at South Park Mall in Charlotte, North Carolina. Charlotte! The Queen City! Which seemed like Southern-fried civilization at the time because we didn't have "fancy" stores like that in Eastern North Carolina back then.

Store clerks worked on consignment at Chess King. I know this because I still remember this weird incident where a store clerk started literally begging me to buy something, anything, to save his job. He did this in front of his manager, and his manager stood by, arms crossed, in a way that suggested he expected the clerk to start performing up to and including genuflecting and prostrating himself to make a sale.

I didn't understand any of this at the time. I found the encounter confusing. Like any good WASP, I also felt deeply embarrassed and annoyed by the clerk's actions. Whether fairly or not, I thought the clerk was very much a loser; in the interactions I had noted between the clerk and the manager before the encounter, and in the midst of the encounter itself, the clerk struck me as someone who had been sliding through life on charm and good looks. He was in trouble now because that had only gotten him so far in a world that was based on sales and results.

And he wasn't even that good looking.

 

I wasn't too sympathetic so I didn't end up buying anything that day. And I *loved* Chess King, so that's saying something. I think Chess King sold Members Only jackets, and I would have genuflecting myself to find one in a color I liked at a price I could afford.

All of this is to say that now I think I might have some insight into how China's Xi Jinping must have felt when Our Fearless Leader, Donald J. Trump, started begging him to buy America's soybeans in order to help him get re-elected.

Key:

Me = China/Xi Jinping

Loser store clerk = Trump

Chess King = America 

Member's Only jacket = soybeans

Store manager = Wealthy Republican supporters of Trump or maybe John Bolton. (I haven't figured this out yet.)

Rated P for Pandering

This preview of The Sims™ Find Religion indicates that this will be a low point in the franchise, truly the most spiteful, racist, and faux Christian expansion pack ever.

Or maybe this is a scene from a telenovela? If so, I think I've seen this one before.

It doesn't end well.

The hills are alive with the sound of Americans gasping for air

Because I hope he gets COVID-19 of course.

Working 9 to 5

... to make sure none of his friends, family members, old Apprentice guests, cronies, and enablers get 5 to 9 years in prison.