Murderous waxen dolls of the Trump administration

Oh, thank you for this, Jezebel! It's an excellent start to defining That Jared Kushner Look. 

Nonetheless, at the risk of seeming exceedingly prissy with a slammed-shut sphincter--you know, like Jared himself--I would offer that you may have slightly misread some of the visual cues La Jared is providing to his fanbase/victims.

One part murderous waxen doll? ✅

One part flopsweaty racist rich boy? ✅

But you completely left out--

• Sloe-eyed vamp who lounges in a shimmery, gossamer negligee and a blonde wig while smoking from a cigarette holder, insisting that everyone call him Lady Ivanka before they can speak to him.

(I for one have always thought it was no accident that Jared's gender was at one time listed on his New York State voter registration as female. Rather, I view it as a desperate cry to live his truth.)

• Serial killer with an almost imperceptible eye twitch who discusses the sudden turn in the weather with the police while they conduct a search of a heretofore secret warehouse, at which they overlook the walk-in freezer filled with steaks, roasts, and sausages, prepared with care and contentment by Jared's 3rd disassociated identity, The Consummate Host. The Host has crafted these fine meats from the fleshy remains of tenants who wouldn't leave his properties once evicted and will soon serve a sampling of said snacks at the next Trump family barbecue. 

But not to worry! Everything's kosher as Jared drained his victims of all blood prior to preparation.

Still, the meat treats are a little ... well, chewy. Sorry, JK! I dunno, maybe if you used less murderous wax in the recipe?

The lady vanishes

Newsweek, September 27, 2017

Is it just me or does everyone imagine that Jared Kushner insists that he should be called Chantal when he's out of the public eye?

OK, then, what about Desirée? Maybe he's more of a Desirée.

Or a Nicolette.

Despite his ruthless real estate mogul reputation, there is just something very soft and feminine about La Jared's look and behavior. Yes, I'm trading in stereotypes. Not gay ones, mind you. I don't think he's gay, not at all. But whatever the current progressive-approved term is to describe a cross-dresser, c'est Jared, n'est-ce pas?

Despite the outrageousness of the thought, I don't think I'm completely alone in having it. There was this story from centuries ago, September 2017 or so, that the Lady Kush had checked "female" as his gender when completing his New York State voter registration. (Special note: Interestingly, his New Jersey state voter registration had stated his gender was unknown.) Mistakenly, I'm assuming. Later it was reported that J-Ko hadn't done the deed, it had all been done for him by mistake--a data entry error apparently. Whatever happened--and in the Trump administration, who knows where the truth lies?--it seemed to make perfect sense, Jared registered as a woman "by accident."

And there is one of my recent favorite stories from America's best news source, The Onion--"'You Are the Jewel of My Collection' Says Saudi Prince While Guiding Frightened Jared Kushner Toward Harem." My doe, my lamb, I can't improve upon this. Again, Jared Kushner in the gauzy midst of a medieval Arabian Nights poetryscape makes a perfect sense. At least to my warped way of thinking.

All pure fantasy on my part, of course--just not that kind of fantasy. Oh, I've seen photos (OK, one photo) of a younger Jared that make him seem almost hunky in that way many of us are in our 20s when our body fat percentage is at its lowest and our testosterone level is at its highest. Otherwise, I find him of no interest or appeal other than as yet another Trump enabler who hopefully will spend several decades in prison when this sad mob family saga is over and done.