Showing posts with label astronaut problems. Show all posts
Showing posts with label astronaut problems. Show all posts

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Astronaut problems

Views of the extravehicular activity during STS 41-B
by NASA, 7 February 1984; public domain
Some of my contributions to the recent hashtag game #astronaut problems on the Tweety.
  • None of the Starbucks in orbit around Mars has a drive-thru.
  • Man's first walk on the moon? More of a skip, actually.
  • Installing software upgrades to H-A-L 9000 causes more problems than it solves.
  • Only you know how much of a complete dillweed Neil Armstrong can be
  • What's for dinner? Borscht in a tube every damn night aboard the international space station.
  • No matter who's the last to use it, the toilet seat always stays in the up position.
  • Even in space, you can't escape spoilers for MadMen, The Walking Dead, and Game of Thrones.
  • Every morning at breakfast, John Glenn arriving at the table in red bikini briefs emblazoned with the words "The Right Stuff" in a most inappropriate location.
  • Absolutely nothing ships to the moon via Amazon Prime.
  • Really sick of bands breaking into their rendition of "Major Tom" whenever you walk into a nightclub.
  • Having to constantly say on first dates: "No, I cannot introduce to Commander Chris Hadfield."
  • Constantly being asked if you used to do porn in the '70s due to style and size of your mustache (Commander Chris Hadfield only).
  • Still bothered about Laika. 
  • You actually can't freebase Tang in space (no fire due to lack of oxygen) (very old, very inappropriate joke).