Got to be certain

This Kylie Minogue song has been stuck in my head all week. Now it's your turn.

I think the tune is undeniably catchy. I don't think Kylie quite sounds like herself, the way she does even just a few hits later on songs, such as on "Never Too Late" or "Better the Devil You Know." In fact, I even wonder if this is her singing--I wouldn't put it past ol' Stock-Aitken-Waterman to bring in a scab vocalist to better "package" the song.

Nevertheless, it's still a fun song, perfectly designed to launch a mid-'80s Aussie soap star's pop music career. Although when hearing the tunes during this first calculated blush of La Kylie's career, I can't help but think of that S-A-W parody that comedy team French and Saunders did ages ago:

I turn around and count to ten/And then I fall in love again

That could have been massive, my friend.

Now for the video. Oi.

The best part for me are the shots of Melbourne, especially the one of her walking along the Yarra River near the Royal Botanic Gardens (again, another mid- to late '80s adventure of mine) and the one where she's walking near the harbor. I'd like to think this is St. Kilda, which I've visited as well, but probably not. I also like the part where Kylie rides the carousel, mainly because of the way the the horse "bucks" or vibrates and how it matches the song's synthesizer riff. Made for each other.

Now as for the rest . . . good lordy. Historical fact: Sometime in late 1987, the term "hot mess" was coined to describe the rest of this meshugas.

Our Miss Kylie has always been a crowd-pleaser, but she was at her most saccharine sweet, her most teeth-rotting, cheesecakiest best/worst at this time. That mugging for the camera conveying a fantasy of I'm-just-a-girl-next-door-who-gets-to-model-hip(?)-clothes-and-make-videos--it is all too much for the bullshit detector to handle.

And the clothes. Well, I'm almost speechless about the clothes. They seem to be trying way too hard, but to do what exactly? It's like they are purposefully funky in a pre-tween girl way but aren't nearly interesting enough to convey any sense of fashion or style. I mean, really that green-and-magenta shiny Jolly Rancher pukefest of an outfit worn along the Yarra River scene. Fashion. Crime. Against. Humanity.

And the hair? Gurrrl. I know Australia's a long way off, but surely they were able to import hair conditioner every now and again or at least make their own using leftover convict labor.

A lot of these excesses should be forgiven though. It was the '80s after all, a decade revered for its "modern" style but, when it comes down to it, by 1987 or so had completely run out of ideas--but, alas. not shoulder pads, bric-a-brac, and that damnable triangle form to every outfit.

All should be forgiven. But is not forgiven.

Anyway . . . another '80s Oz highlight? Return to Eden. You get just the opening credits for now and eventually a fuller exploration of one of my favorite trash TV shows ever in a future blog post.

'Struth.