Between Marshall's and Hell

This is what happens when you have no gay friends to go shopping with pic.twitter.com/lpC8uvGgpu

— Mister Race Bannon (@MrRaceBannon) April 29, 2019

Gurl, no. Just no.

You look like That Girl! swapped clothes with the Hamburglar from McDonalds.

You don't need a gay man to tell you to wear something else--you should be able to figure this out on your own, horizontal stripes being a big no-no for us full-figured guys and gals. But we gay men--at least those of us born with the aesthetic gene--can tear you down, boost you up, and make you laugh all at the same time.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders, you and all those faux Christian ladies down South *need us.* But you're just too mean, vindictive, and homophobic (aka Southern Christian) to deal with--and not interesting enough to be around to make it worth our while.

So you're stuck in limbo between Marshall's and Hell for eternity.

And you deserve it, so no more tears, enough is enough, from me.

***

Update: If you look at the original pic, you'll see that SS is wearing bright blue shoes with this ... outfit. Swedish-flag blue (is she a secret Socialist???).

So not only is she mingling That Girl! and the Hamburglar, she's clearly channeling a grade-school fascination with Smurfette.

Lawdy.

Also, as a counterpoint, this could be what happens when you do have gay friends and go shopping with them--and they hate your ass.

Juice, baby!

Say what you will--this is the end of the world as we know, we are a nation in decline, we are living through dark times, ya-ya-yi, ya-ya-ya--but as long as we still keep making pop like "Juice" and performers like Lizzo, America will never die.

Fade away? Well, that's a different matter. But at least we ain't going out without a party.

Notre Dumb-Ass

So horrible to watch the massive fire at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris. Perhaps flying water tankers could be used to put it out. Must act quickly!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) April 15, 2019

Or maybe we could teach thousands of larks to fly over the cathedral and spit in unison to dowse the flames!

Other possible and equally "helpful" responses from el Presidente:

"I like cathedrals that don't get burned down."

"Notre Dame means 'Our Lady,' right? Pfft. She's a 5 at best."

"If they raked the cathedrals like they do in Finland, this wouldn't have happened!"

Remember only you can prevent Notre Dumb-Ass from being reelected in 2020.