Which is yet another thing I have learned from the neighbors: This sissy most definitely does not want to have children. I'm not even keen on having a pet at this point.
It's never really even crossed my mind actually, except only fleetingly after my father passed away, when I realized that my siblings and I--straight, gay, married, single--had forgotten to have children.
Our parents didn't remind us either, perhaps because they figured that they'd raised four absolutely sane, intelligent, gorgeous, and perfect in every way children, why tempt fate? Besides, it would just be unfair to expect the next generation to be as exemplary as mine. Too, too cruel.
But living downstairs from the terrible twosome (yes, it's been confirmed, there are two of the little abominations screaming, crying, and running above me as we speak) has sealed the deal, shut off the supply line, evaporated the milk, curdled the cream, forced the hens to quit laying, and made the bulls suddenly disinterested in stampeding. So to speak.
Now, in addition to scouting out new digs (and the sooner the better I might add), I spend my free time pondering what technology and distribution mechanisms would be involved in developing the world's first "morning before" pill, a birth control medication so retroactive that even parents of hate-filled, lazy teenagers and ungrateful, malcontented, too-much-analysis-for-their-own-good young adults would be willing to pay millions to score.
I wouldn't necessarily stop them, of course, but my target is the five-and-under market. And at the moment, specifically two members of the five-and-under set.
It's never really even crossed my mind actually, except only fleetingly after my father passed away, when I realized that my siblings and I--straight, gay, married, single--had forgotten to have children.
Our parents didn't remind us either, perhaps because they figured that they'd raised four absolutely sane, intelligent, gorgeous, and perfect in every way children, why tempt fate? Besides, it would just be unfair to expect the next generation to be as exemplary as mine. Too, too cruel.
But living downstairs from the terrible twosome (yes, it's been confirmed, there are two of the little abominations screaming, crying, and running above me as we speak) has sealed the deal, shut off the supply line, evaporated the milk, curdled the cream, forced the hens to quit laying, and made the bulls suddenly disinterested in stampeding. So to speak.
Now, in addition to scouting out new digs (and the sooner the better I might add), I spend my free time pondering what technology and distribution mechanisms would be involved in developing the world's first "morning before" pill, a birth control medication so retroactive that even parents of hate-filled, lazy teenagers and ungrateful, malcontented, too-much-analysis-for-their-own-good young adults would be willing to pay millions to score.
I wouldn't necessarily stop them, of course, but my target is the five-and-under market. And at the moment, specifically two members of the five-and-under set.
1 comment:
I am thankful every day to my siblings for deflecting my mom's interest in my fertility by providing their own demanding critters. I think your parents deserve a medal for not forcing the issue. And I think you need a new apartment ASAP. And I think people should have to pass a class to bear young. But I'm not a radical or nothin' :)
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