The Attitude Challenge

Obviously what's needed is a sign. "StopShopCarriageReturn."
Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons.

Recently on Facebook--as only Facebook can do--there's been a "Gratitude Challenge" making the rounds: For five days, list three things that you're grateful for.

I like the idea, but it did get a bit overdone after a while. Still, I am hopeful that someone someday will challenge me to express my gratitude over a few things. And believe it or not, despite all the whingeing and whining I do, I am thankful for many people, places, things, events, and moments in my life.

Except for Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh is definitely not something I feel gratitude toward. Instead, I feel an immense amount of attitude toward it.

And thus was born, the Attitude Challenge.

What are the rules? Feh, rules. Rules are for squares! Rules are the hobgobblins of bureaucracy (actual quote from a person I dealt with in Washington, D.C., once, circa 1985). Just issue forth attitude as long as you can stand yourself or until everyone tells you to STHU (Seriously, Think [about a] Happy Unicorn).

Day 1: Attitude Challenge--Pittsburgh (what else?).

Specifically, the inability of anyone in the SMSA (other than yours truly) to return a grocery cart (or buggy, if you insist to speak in Pittsburghese) to the grocery cart "corral" in the parking lot of any grocery store anywhere at any time and to line up said grocery cart in an orderly fashion.

Look--one fits inside another! It's like a Russian nesting doll with wheels!

I mean, come on, this is common practice in most places, isn't it? Even in other parts of Pennsylvania. But not Pittsburgh. I don't know why the local population is incapable of this simple skill.

. . . Although I suspect it's less about capability and more about "I can't be arsed to care" that all the carts are piled up in a jumble and some poor bagboy who barely earns minimum wage has to clean up the mess.

Look 'burghers, learning this simple behavior is not establishment or management vs. union, nor is it exhausting, nor is it (too) anal-retentive, nor does it go against what the old Pope said (but not the new one) or whatever you think is wrong with it. It's just common courtesy and common sense.

Oh. And there's the reason right there, why this doesn't, nay can't, happen in the Steel City.

Against all odds, let me try some logic, regardless: Fewer carts piled up mean more carts in the store. Fewer loose carts in the parking lot mean more spaces and less chance of accidents. (But we rank worst for accidents for a city our size, so I know you don't give a toss about that.) Fewer problems with carts in the parking mean that more bagboys can actually bag your groceries (let's pretend at least) and that you can get home in time to put on your black-and-gold track suit to sit in your trusty Lazy Boy in front of your 90" TV to watch yet another "Stillers" game.

Capiche?

You're welcome.

Stay tuned for more attitude . . .