Clair de loonie

You know you live in Canada when you receive these instructions from your physical therapist:

Lie on your back with your knees bent. Inhale to prepare, exhale to activate core and activate gluts as if balancing a looney between buttock cheeks.

For those not in the know (and why would you be?), the loonie is the $1 Canadian coin, so named because the reverse side features a common loon floating on the surface of a lake.

Like so:

You sometimes even hear the $2 coin (there are no $1 or $2 paper bills in Canada anymore) referred to as a "twoonie."

Or perhaps someone was just playing me for a loon.

Cradle to grave

From the November 22, 2016, New York Times:

"Supporters of the Second Amendment, ecstatic that Hillary Clinton lost, anticipate an expansion of gun rights with a Trump administration and a Republican-led Congress."

An expansion of gun rights? What would that even look like at this point?

Every time you open your mouth, you fire off several rounds from an automatic assault rifle lodged in your esophagus?

Frankly, with gun and ammunition sales robust before and after the election (when aren't they robust?), there aren't many areas for expansion of gun rights.

The womb maybe with every fetus a possible active shooter or a good zygote with a gun.

Or the coffin, just in case you need to shoot your way past Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.

I can hardly wait.

To buy my own body armor.

Our history is history

My new post-election groove is 31 years old. Interestingly, this is same number of years of experience of each "outsider" cabinet pick of the incoming Il Douchie junta. (Sorry, but Silver Dollar Berlusconi will never be my president.)

Our love is "History" according to Dutch pop group Mai Tai, who in 1985 had a fairly global hit with this Chic- and Change-inspired groove. (Fairly global means "only minimally in the US.")

The lyrics could use some work--lots of English-language expressions looped together that mostly seem odd or out of context ("don't beat around the bush"?). Nevertheless, the vocal performances are powerful and playful, the visuals fun, and the music an exceptional representation of the era. Now culturally long, long gone. *Sigh.*

Then again, the '80s was the era of Ronald Reagan. If only we could use this groove to travel back in time and enjoy the cool culture of the era, all while plotting the demise of Reagan and all future Agent Orange political appointees.



And just when you think it's safe to love '80s culture, you watch the official video on YouTube . . . . *Sigh.*

Take my advice

My new theme song. You've been forewarned.

Growing a pair of principles

These are not principles. Bernie and Jane Sanders by
Gage Skidmore, 9 January 2016. Courtesy of
Wikimedia Commons. CC BY-SA 2.0.

The following is a response I recently posted to a friend on Facebook after reading one of many comments from her that we Democrats who supported Hillary Clinton in the 2016 election had abandoned our principles and this is why we had lost. Why we deserved to lose.

The discussion had been proceeded by a couple of weeks of back-and-forth on why Jill Stein was the the preferred candidate for progressives, the only "clean" one in the race, now that Bernie Sanders had been sidelined. If only the Democratic National Committee had not "stolen" the election from Bernie during the primaries, he could have beaten Donald Trump in the national election!

Or rather I should say just "forth." I didn't respond for a long time, mostly because I didn't want to engage. But I didn't engage because I've grown weary and wary of being bullied in various forums by the Bernie or Bust crowd. Believe me, I haven't gone out looking to criticize them. In fact, I've tried to say as little as possible to them directly or indirectly about their preferred candidate. But sometimes the scorn, antagonism, and sanctimony come looking for you. 

And sometimes you feel impelled to respond.

I am not bothered by who you voted for or didn't vote for. But I am exhausted (to put it kindly) by the self-satisfaction and "hands clean" approach to this election by some on the self-identified left of the political spectrum. 

For all the claim that Democrats abandoned our principles, I would argue that many on the far left abandoned us solely so they could keep polishing, adoring, and showcasing their principles. So now none of us on the far left or middle left or anywhere left of center has anything that we want. 

I have principles, and I certainly haven't abandoned them. I don't need to "grow a pair" of principles or anything else. My principles include being able to recognize and accept compromise, not sticking to my way of seeing the world and wanting it to be just so and rejecting any other approaches, and not expecting my preferred candidate to do only what I want him or her to do to keep me happy. 

This is one of the things that has driven me crazy about the Obama years--the right would never accept him, but the left wouldn't either. He was a moderate from the beginning who tried to be everybody's president and yet in time he took some pretty bold actions--instituting a nascent if imperfect system of almost universal health insurance, same-sex marriage, opening the country to Cuba again, and even transgender rights. 

Maybe with a little more support and patience along the way, he would have accomplished more. Maybe Hillary Clinton would have as well. And maybe Bernie Sanders would have made some very centrist choices and compromised with others to make small improvements, in order to draw at the battle and win the long war. 

I don't think I'll ever get the appeal of Bernie Sanders, but if he had been the candidate this year, I would have voted for him. Not out of a sense of party loyalty but because I think he, in competition with anyone put forward by the GOP, would be more likely to support liberal/progressive values. And while initially Hillary Clinton was not my preferred candidate, I was proud to stand by her and vote for her for the very same reason--her support of liberal/progressive values.

Would I have been happy with the results if she had become president? We'll never know. But if my actions are evidence of a lack of principles, then yes, I am unprincipled. 

I, however, think I'm just pragmatic. The US is a conservative country, much more than I would like it to be, so I don't know that I ever expect it to become even Canada, let alone a socialist workers' paradise. And the US sometimes is a country that spits in the face of the notion that all history is progress--it's certainly not looking like that now. 

So my expectations are not high but I am often hopeful. I don't think we are that different in that respect--that we are both hopeful--but we do have different approaches to how to achieve our vision. 

Consequently, I would like to ask you to consider not denigrating those of us who didn't approach this election the same way as you. It's not that my feelings are hurt--I am much tougher than I look. But I deeply resent being scalded and scorned at every turn and dismissed as needing to grow a pair just because I don't happen to see the world the way that you see it.

Righteous indignation is fast becoming my muse. Just wait until I get to my thoughts on the recent Glenn Beck opinion piece in the New York Times. My advice? Invest in some flame-retardant clothing.

And then you woke up, Paul Krugman

Being cute and bearish is no longer enough!
Paul Krugman by Prolineserver - 
Own work, GFDL 1.2.

If nothing else, the election of Donald Trump as the Pussy-Grabber in Chief of the United States of America is greatly improving my writing skills. I can now scorch and scald in 1,500 words or fewer.

Unfortunately, not everything I write meets a welcome and willing audience, hungry for my snarkily cutting observations. For example, I had hoped that the New York Times would publish my recent response to this editorial by Paul Krugman, an author and scholar I normally appreciate. Although perhaps not anymore--or at least not for a very long time.

But almost a day latter, nothing, nada, rien, niks, or ничего ("neechevo") as our ascendant Russian overlords might utter.

So you decide--was it something I said?

No offense, Dr. Krugman, but why should I believe anything you or any other columnist or media personality ever predicts again? After numerous column inches and breaking news bulletins devoted to topics--such as the Republican Party is in its death throes, at near-civil war, that Donald Trump is going up in smoke or down in flames, and that the Democrats would win the presidency, the senate, possibly even the house of representatives, cure poverty, create cold fusion, and find every lonely person a partner--I hope that you and your fellow authors (especially Frank Bruni) will understand that I shall remain highly skeptical of any written opinion in your newspaper's pages starting from 9 November 2016 forward to perhaps infinity.

Trust me, I want to believe you--nothing would give me hope or make me happier than to see this vulgar, manipulative, rapacious president-elect fail before he starts and to see those who supported him flushed out in the trickle down shitstorm that may (or may not) come to pass, but which they so savagely deserve. Yes, this is the street where I now live, praying for the misery of people I barely know but probably say hello to in the office or flip off in traffic every day.

But there is absolutely no reason to believe you. Yes, you're an intelligent guy, you're all intelligent guys and gals. But apparently you didn't have any more a clue than I did about how this election might turn out. I might as well have saved my money and spent it on magic beans or regular visits to a tea-leaf reader.

 I haven't canceled my subscription to the Times and the Washington Post yet . . . but I'm strongly considering doing so. If I want this kind of Monday morning armchair political quarterbacking, I'll stick to non-Trump supporting friends on Facebook. They're a helluva lot smarter.

Maybe it wasn't just the Democrats?

I can clearly see the outcome of the election now that it's over

Oh *now* you spell it out. After the fact. Way, way, way after the fact. And way too late to be useful to any of us.

Maybe it's just that you got yourself a new pair of 20/20 hindsight spectacles, Frank Bruni. Or did you used to work for the FBI and are used to delivering important messages to the public at the point where nobody cares?

I'm not sure which makes me angrier right now: Those claiming that Hillary Clinton blew the election (she ran a great campaign and she still had more votes that Trump) or those that say the Democrats "screwed up" as Mr. Bruni so quaintly puts it. While the loss was significant and unsettling, it remains to be proven. Sometimes the people don't like your candidate, sometimes the people want change at any cost, and sometimes the people don't know what the hell they want. It's probably all three, along with a death desire to vote against their own best interests, early and often.

And let's not forget those who insist that if they'd only run Bernie Sanders (Bernie! Thou art in Vermont!) in the general election, we'd now be sipping on cocktails that taste like rainbows while being flown to our bungalows in the Himalayas upon the wings of a talking unicorn.

(Obviously I'm not a fan.)

After this election, I need a cocktail alright. A Molotov cocktail.

Always look on the bright side of life

More random thoughts about this year's election--

• I know my math skills are poor but I always thought if one candidate got 47.7% of the vote & the other candidate got 47.4%, the one with the most votes would win. Must be the new math.

• If 60 million people voted for Trump, then we know that there are only 30 million "deplorables" in the U.S. Not counting the 46% of the electorate who couldn't manage to get off their . . . sofas . . . and vote.

• Americans are getting fitter! You really have to admire our yoga skills. We can twist and stretch in all sorts of ways to reach a state of Nirvana where a vote for Trump equals a vote against the status quo. I mean, he has never held political office in Washington, D.C. He just owns a hotel there, on Pennsylvania Avenue between the White House and the Capitol. Just like any other blue collar billionaire.

 I feel better already.

America, I dreamed that you died

"I had a nightmare, a terrible nightmare . . . ."

Please wake up, Pam Ewing. Please. Wake up.

I voted

"I voted sticker" by Dwight Burdle.
Courtesy of Wikipedia Commons. CC BY 3.0.

I woke up this morning remembering the first time I voted. It was the 1980 (!) presidential election. For one brief weird moment, my brothers Frank and Charlie and myself were all living in Greenville, North Carolina, and I think all attending East Carolina University as well.

We had to drive from Greenville to Swansboro, North Carolina (about a 2-hour trip one-way) to vote. As students, we weren't allowed to vote locally but had to go to our home polling station. I think the polls were located at the Swansboro post office or city hall--I can't remember for sure.

Afterwards we probably went to our parents' house for dinner. Maybe we drove back to Greenville that evening. I don't recall.

I don't even recall who I voted for. Was John Anderson running that year? Along with Jimmy Carter, Ted Kennedy, and Ronald Reagan? It's kind of a blur but one thing shines through --

No way in hell did I vote for Ronald Reagan.

So think about that for a moment--My options that election involved a guy who starred in the movie Bedtime for Bonzo and another guy who drove off a bridge in Massachusetts and left his mistress for dead. I may not have felt passionate about my choice that year, but I hope I at least voted strategically. Some years that is your best option. For many of us this year, that may indeed be our best option, although I remain #WithHer, however cautiously.

Good luck today, America! I miss the thrill (yes, thrill) of voting in person. Absentee ballots may have the cachet of "ex pat" about them, but it's a rather solitary act. Voting should be an exercise in community building. And as with any exercise, it feels good to work that muscle every now and again.

* * *

I get the sinking feeling I voted for John Anderson. So much for voting strategically.

The final countdown or, if you prefer, the eve of destruction

Election 2016 final (?) thoughts: I think I'm gonna need to be sedated to get through the next 24 to 48 hours.

See you on the flipside of the Apocalypse.

When in Ancient Greece . . .

"The Statue of Socrates at the
Academy of Athens. Work of
Leonidas Drosis (d. 1880)"
by C. Messier, 7 February 2016.
CC BY-SA 4.0.

Hipster ghetto superstars, that is what we are.

If beard length and fullness coupled with a preponderance of ethnically vague, sloppily stitched boho clothing were signs of wisdom and knowledge, my Toronto neighborhood would be known as Little Ancient Greece.

And oddly enough, it's on the East Side, well south of Cabbagetown, even south of Cabbagetown South. Just imagine if we were in the epicenter of Toronto hipsterdom (generally West Side, from what I can tell). We'd be known as Little Genesis/Big Bang/Creation Story Heights.

Model behavior

Melania Trump at the
QVC Red Carpet Style Party,
Four Seasons Hotel, Los Angeles, CA
on February 25, 2011 -
Photo by Glenn Francis of
www.PacificProDigital.com.
CC BY-SA 3.0

Excerpt from Melania Trump's recent speech in Pennsylvania: 

"Four score and several years ago, my husband brought forth on this continent, a new condo, conceived in Long Island, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal--except for the Mexicans, the Muslims, the African-Americans who wanted to buy a home there . . . ."

And she wrote it all by herself!