Today's top CNN story:
"Five Things We Learned from Tuesday's GOP Debate"
Imagine my surprise to learn that it was more of the same--immigration, Herman Cain's Sim City tax plan, Romney vs. Perry, Perry vs. Romney--with one ringer, a shout-out to Pennsylvania's littlest paranoiac, Rick Santorum.
No, unfortunately, for the length of the debate he wasn't exiled to a gay bar, as was recently done on an episode of Saturday Night Live.
Now how a nation continues to give attention to a candidate that even the Keystone State (a Commonwealth not known for its high standards in political figures . . . or much else) tossed out after one term, just boggles. But at least he's as perversely entertaining as Perry and Bachmann, proof that even the high falutin' Northeast, not solely the South, West, or Midwest, can help the national economy by producing its share of nutbars.
Anyway, the other surprise is that CNN's list attempted to discuss the debate, that CNN actually took the debate seriously, as if the world's worst swimsuit competition (thank you, Samantha Bee for that observation) really had anything to say.
My list of "five things learned from Tuesday's GOP debate" looks decidedly different--and, for once, is far more succinct:
Oh, trust me, I've been there. And so will we all if things keep going like this.
Unfortunately, what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas. Sometimes, in fact, it follows you all the way to Washington and tries to institute an English-only policy and a tax structure based on a 10-year-old computer game.
The more things change, the more things feel like a Windows 2000 kind of world.
"Five Things We Learned from Tuesday's GOP Debate"
Imagine my surprise to learn that it was more of the same--immigration, Herman Cain's Sim City tax plan, Romney vs. Perry, Perry vs. Romney--with one ringer, a shout-out to Pennsylvania's littlest paranoiac, Rick Santorum.
No, unfortunately, for the length of the debate he wasn't exiled to a gay bar, as was recently done on an episode of Saturday Night Live.
Now how a nation continues to give attention to a candidate that even the Keystone State (a Commonwealth not known for its high standards in political figures . . . or much else) tossed out after one term, just boggles. But at least he's as perversely entertaining as Perry and Bachmann, proof that even the high falutin' Northeast, not solely the South, West, or Midwest, can help the national economy by producing its share of nutbars.
Anyway, the other surprise is that CNN's list attempted to discuss the debate, that CNN actually took the debate seriously, as if the world's worst swimsuit competition (thank you, Samantha Bee for that observation) really had anything to say.
My list of "five things learned from Tuesday's GOP debate" looks decidedly different--and, for once, is far more succinct:
- Herman Cain--we're screwed. And we end up smelling like onions and peppers in the process.
- Michele Bachmann--we're screwed. Worse, it's a three-way. We're screwed by crazy her and her "definitely not gay" husband.
- Rick Perry--we're screwed. And executed. So it's like Friday Night Lights meets a snuff film.
- Mitt Romney--we're screwed. And it's the most boring screw ever, one that no matter how freely or repeatedly offered, no one, under any circumstances, actually wants.
- Rick Santorum--we're screwed, but not completely. Mainly because, approaching the climax of screwing, Santorum would most likely jump up, rush to the shower, do a ritual cleansing, then, as he frenetically and nervously dressed himself, blurt out "This was a mistake!" He'd scurry out the door without even a promise to call you. But give it a couple of years, and he'll be back on the scene, trying to screw you again.
Oh, trust me, I've been there. And so will we all if things keep going like this.
Unfortunately, what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas. Sometimes, in fact, it follows you all the way to Washington and tries to institute an English-only policy and a tax structure based on a 10-year-old computer game.
The more things change, the more things feel like a Windows 2000 kind of world.
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